The joys of retail: A conversation with a customer

Alright, so this guy came up to me at the end of my shift at the kiosk – (for those who don’t know, I work at a kiosk installing invisible plastic phone covers). He was, apparently, trying to shop around and get the best shield for his iPad and iPhone. Here is the conversation. His part is in green, mine is in black and my thoughts are italicized:

Customer: Hi, I was wondering about your shield. How much is it?

Me: $20.96 for the front of a phone, and $37.68 for a full body.

C: Alright. I was also wondering how long it usually takes for a Zagg shield to disintegrate?

Um, unless you put it in acid or have acid fingers it shouldn’t disintegrate.

Me: Define disintegrate.

C: I work at a screen replacement place and all the Zagg shields I see get all brown and peal on the side.

You need to watch Mythbusters, you idiot. 

Me: Yeah, most do discolor after a couple months. Most people get their’s replaced every year or so. But, it depends on the person. I’ve seen some people get their’s replaced way after I would have and others bring it back every couple months because it drives them nuts.

C: Yeah I’ve just been looking around and tried to find the best shield and it just seems like all the Zagg shields just disintegrate.

Once again, you fool, it is not disintegrating. It is discoloring. You obviously never watched superhero cartoons. 

Me: Right, any shield will eventually either discolor or peel or bubble. If you’re looking for the best shield, I would focus on the replacement policy.

C: Do you have a scrap piece of plastic? I want to get swatches from all the shield options. 

Me: I can’t, ours are pre-cut so that it won’t peel around little cameras or sensors or anything.

C: Yeah, I haven’t been impressed with Zagg shields. It seems like every phone that comes in that has a Zagg shield it’s always peeled a lot and looks really brown. They disintegrate after like a week. 

I think out of the two of us I would know how our shields hold up. 

Me: Yeah, it shows more on white phones or devices but that’s very common after a long enough time.

C: I saw one that needed to be replaced after a week. Why are they so expensive if they aren’t that good. 

Hmmm, the continuity of the company would indicated that you have a skewed perception of my product. Also, why are you just arguing with me?

C: So, how much would it be to just buy a big sheet of the pastic?

Once again, you ignoramus, our shields are custom cut. No. 

Me: You would have to go through corporate for that. Everything is pre-cut.

C: So, if I wanted to cover my Macbook, could you custom cut one? Because it’s supposed to mess up the LCD screen. 

WE DO NOT CUSTOM CUT!!! AND WHY ARE YOU ASKING IF IT WILL MESS UP YOUR SCREEN! SHAVE YOUR INFANT MUSTACHE UNTIL YOU CAN ACTUALLY GROW ONE, GROW UP, AND STOP ARGUING WITH ME!!

Me: No… our screens are pre-cut… We can’t custom cut them.

C: Alright.. I guess I’ll just have to talk to corporate. 

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About kaseyvandyke

A student. The occasional writer. A life-long reader. Probably quirky.

One response to “The joys of retail: A conversation with a customer

  1. Brenna

    haha thats funny

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